In Treatment
by padawanintreatment
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi has been having trouble sleeping. Revelations and break-throughs will be made that will change Kenobi's life forever and maybe the fate of the galaxy.


In Treatment

Setup: A few weeks pre-TPM. Obi-Wan Kenobi is 24 turning 25. Padmé Amidala is 22 (I've brought up her age closer to Obi-Wan Kenobi, you will see why, plus she does not look like a teenager in the movie anyway). Extremely alternative universe. Star Wars / In Treatment cross over.

Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi has been having trouble sleeping. Revelations and break-throughs will be made that will change Kenobi's life forever and maybe the fate of the galaxy.

Legal: The usual disclaimer, all the rights are held by their respective owners, no money is being made off this in anyway. I'm just having fun.

Chapter 1: Adele Week One

It was a pleasant enough room; the waiting room to the psychotherapist. The narrow waiting room ran from the office entrance all the way to the end, running parallel to the main room and finishing off with a full wall window that overlooked the hustle and bustle of the evening Coruscant skyline hundreds of floors above. A soft golden evening glow filled the room bouncing from the off-white walls. Obi-Wan's heavy brown leather books sunk into the soft thick cream carpets while his body rested on the plush white couch covered with feather stuffed marshmallow cushions. The room was sparely decorated; reed weave picture frames with landscapes of the rolling hills of Naboo; abstract sculptural pieces made from river stone; lone dry river reeds exploding in a floral arrangement in one corner, an ocean fern sprouting from the other; lashings of leather wrapped around the cold steel poles of the floor lamps. It was the addition of natural textures that have the room an intimate, personal and tactile feel to what would have otherwise been another cold impersonal modern space. Indeed it was a welcomed contrast from the hospital like atmosphere that graced the Halls of Healing at the Jedi Temple.

Obi-Wan's heavy eyes slowly fell upon the frames that hung on the wall directly facing him...

"The Coruscant Psychoanalytic Society - Adele Brouse, M.D., Ph.D."

"The University of Couruscant - Bachelor In Psychology - Adele Brouse"

"The University of Couruscant - Master's In Human Behaviour - Adele Brouse"

"_She is certainty qualified."_ Obi-Wan thought to himself. Though, if it was up to him, he would rather not be here. For a while he ignored Chief Healer Vokara Che's advice to see a therapist, unfortunately, since last month she has refused to refill his ambien prescription unless he saw a therapist. Not to mention, Master Jinn and Master Yoda has taken him off all off-world missions until he did.

The lonely door on the wall facing Obi-Wan opened up slowly where then a golden blonde hair lady in her early 30's walked out and stood just outside the door with opened arms welcoming him into the inner room.

"Hi, i'm Adele Brouse, you must be Mr. Kenobi, please come in..." the lady spoke in a gentle spoken voice with a polite smile.

Obi-Wan reluctantly stood up and followed Adele into the inner room. The inner room was larger than he expected, it was furnished in the same style as the outside waiting room with a couch in the middle and an armchair facing directly opposite.

"Please Mr. Kenobi, have a seat and make yourself comfortable." said Adele while she gestured her arms as to direct Obi-Wan to the couch while herself taking a seat in the armchair with a notepad, vanilla folder and pen ready.

Obi-Wan slowly lowered himself into the middle of the couch holding both hands in his lap to stop his shaking. _"There is no fear..."_ he thought to himself as he tried to centre himself, releasing his fears into the Force.

Adele: "Would you like me to call you Mr. Kenobi, or is the proper title Jedi Kenobi? I do apologise, you are my first Jedi patient and I am unfamiliar with the detailed aspects of the Jedi."

Obi-Wan: "That's ok... you can just call me Obi-Wan Ms. Brouse, i'm still only a Jedi Padawan."

Adele: "And you can just call me Adele, I like to keep things as comfortable here as much as possible."

Obi-Wan: "...This is a very nice office Ms. Brouse, much more cosy and brighter than what i'm use too."

Adele: "I can draw down the blinds if you prefer, and please call me Adele."

Obi-Wan: "No, no, that's ok... I should probably shake off my mollish ways. My apologies Adele, formalities are a force of habit of mine."

Adele: "I understand this is your first time seeing a therapist Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan: "Yes..."

Noticing Obi-Wan's shaking hands Adele smiled in an attempt to reduce his discomfort.

Adele: "I know this must be uncomfortable, but try not to be too nervous. Think of this as a conversation, an environment where you can talk about anything on your mind. Rest assured nothing you say will shock me and everything you say will be held in the strictest of confidence. Nothing you say will be repeated by me to anyone, including your Master, Qui-Gon Jinn and Yoda or your primary care giver Chief Healer Vokara Che."

Obi-Wan: "Understood..."

Adele opened up the vanilla folder resting in her lap and quickly scanned the documents inside.

Adele: "I have been looking over your medical history files that was forwarded to me by Healer Che when she referred you to me. I understand that you have been taking ambien for a year as prescribed by Healer Che for your sleeping difficulties. Is this correct?"

Obi-Wan: "...Yes, that is correct."

Adele: "And you have been taking a 10 milligram ambien pill nightly?"

Obi-Wan: "...Yes."

Adele: "Are you still taking them?"

Obi-Wan: "I was, until about a month ago when I ran out."

Adele: "What did you do when you ran out."

"I went to Healer Che for a refill, however, as I imagine you would know since you have my medical history files, she refused to give me a refill without seeing a therapist." Obi-Wan said in a irritated voice.

Adele's analytical facial expressed remained still, not flinching to his rude response.

"I'm sorry... I did not mean to be rude... I haven't been sleeping well since I ran out of pills and I haven't slept for 2 nights straight." Obi-Wan said in an apologetic voice.

Adele: "I understand, it can be difficult to stop taking ambien abruptly."

Obi-Wan: "...Can I be honest Adele?"

Adele: "Of course."

Obi-Wan: "...I'm not sure why I need to see you to be able to get a refill of ambien."

Adele: "Ambien is only meant for short term relief of sleeping issues. When patients continue to have sleeping issues after a period of time, it is important to find out if there are more fundamental issues at play."

Obi-Wan: "Fundamental issues?"

Adele: "Healer Che has determined that you are in excellent physical heath, there is nothing wrong with your body that would contribute to your sleeping problems, which leaves only one thing..."

Obi-Wan: "...psychological problems."

While Adele remained neutral in her expression, she was intrigued that Obi-Wan completed her sentence.

Adele: "...Given that you ran out of pills a month ago, and that Healer Che wrote this referral a month ago, as well as Master Jinn and Master Yoda taking you off missions until you came to see me, I can tell you are reluctant to be here... Can I ask, is your reluctance because you are afraid of what you may discover?"

A long space of time passed before the humming silence disappeared from Obi-Wan's ears before he could reply.

Obi-Wan: "...yes."

Adele: "I'm not going to force anything out from you Obi-Wan. I can only talk with you and guide you, what you share with me is entirely up to you... I just hope that in time you will share more of your thoughts."

Obi-Wan: "...I just don't know where to begin."

Adele: "Let's just take it one step at a time... Why don't you tell me about your week?"

Obi-Wan: "Do you really want to know about my week? All the boring details?"

Adele: "I would really love to know what a week in the boots of a Jedi is like, and spare no boring details."

Obi-Wan: "...ok... We'll, not much has been happening this week. I came back from a mission a month ago, and since then i've been taken off all off-world assignments. Every day and every week since has been pretty routine, I wake up, go to classes, mediate, sabre practice and then try to go to sleep."

Adele: "It's interesting that each time you've mentioned being taken off missions you seem annoyed."

Obi-Wan: "I'm not use to the routine, ever since I was taken as Master Jinn's apprentice when I was 13, i've usually been outside the Jedi Temple."

Adele: "You don't find the time back at home refreshing?"

Obi-Wan: "Refreshing?"

Adele: "We'll, I know that after coming back from a hectic assignment, it's nice to come back to the routine. I find it gives me time to enjoy my interests, hobbies, friends, family and reflect."

Obi-Wan: "...In a way I do enjoy it. It's nice to see my friends. But I always feel helpless, useless."

Adele: "Are these the feelings you have when you try to sleep?"

Obi-Wan: "...I... I do feel it."

Adele: "Do you have these sleeping difficulties when you are on an assignment."

Obi-Wan: "I did not use to, however, in the past few months, I have been having trouble resting while on assignment."

Adele: "Is that dangerous for your work?"

Obi-Wan: "...You know about what happened on my last mission, don't you?"

Adele nodded to acknowledge she knew.

Adele: "Why don't you tell me in your own words what happened."

Obi-Wan placed his head into his hands then closed his eyes to try to disburse the sudden headache and feeling of guilt that overcame him.

Adele: "Are you ok Obi-Wan?"

"_There is no fear..."_ Obi-Wan repeated the Jedi Code in his mind.

Obi-Wan: "...I, I was on a mission to Yinchorr and Dorvalla in order to mediate relations between the Trade Federation and the Nebula Front. At the Eriadu Trade Summit security droids assassinated six of the seven Directorate members and made an attempt on the life of Valorum. We failed to foresee the assassination... I failed to react..."

Adele: "Why do you blame yourself?"

Obi-Wan: "I was weak... I was tied, unprepared... This is why I need my ambien, otherwise people die."

Adele: "The report given by Master Jinn placed no blame on you. While he did write about your reduced strength as a result of slept deprivation, he said it would have made no difference to the outcome of the submit."

Obi-Wan: "I'm sure his only protecting me."

Adele: "From my brief talk with Master Jinn, I did not get the sense that he was lying."

Obi-Wan: "I should have been strong."

Adele: "While you may be a Jedi, you are still human Obi-Wan. There are times where we are not strong. This is why your Masters and Healers wanted you to see me. They do not place any blame on you for what happened on your mission. They are concerned about your wellbeing and wanted you to have someone to talk with."

Obi-Wan: "...Your a very kind women Adele."

Adele smiled at Obi-Wan's words.

Adele: "I'm curious... I'm sure you must have therapists and Mind Healers at the Jedi Temple, but as your Masters and Healers told me when they asked me to take you on as a patient, you asked for someone outside the Jedi Order. May I ask, why you made this request?"

Obi-Wan: "I've been a Jedi all my life. I'm 24, a few years off from knighthood, I know all the lessons. I guess I wanted to talk with someone with a different perspective, a non-Jedi view."

Adele: "Do Jedi's dream?"

Obi-Wan: "Of course... maybe even more vivid than you can imagine."

Adele: "When you sleep do you dream?"

Obi-Wan: "We'll I don't get good sleep very often."

Adele: "When you do, do you dream, have nightmares, visions?"

Obi-Wan: "...I... I do."

Adele: "Before, I asked you, if the feelings of helplessness and uselessness you associate with being at the Jedi Temple home from assignments are the same feelings you have in your dream. Do you recall?"

Obi-Wan: "...yes."

Adele: "Do you have any other feelings?"

Obi-Wan: "Like?"

Adele: "It's not uncommon for people with sleeping difficulties to feel anxious, nervous, stressed, worried, do you have anything like this?"

Obi-Wan: "I, I do."

Adele: "Do you have different dreams?"

Obi-Wan: "For the past few months, i've been having the same one."

Adele: "Would you like to tell me about the dream?"

Obi-Wan's mind was racing, the feelings of anxiety was bubbling up from his inside, his palms started to sweat.

Obi-Wan: "I... I dream that i'm running. Running along the side of a stone fence that snakes through rolling green valleys all the way into the distance. I'm gathering speed as I run along the fence, as the fence curves, I feel this sense of anticipation, excitement, joy. While I can't see it, I sense a opening coming up ahead, a break in the stone fence, a gateway. I can feel the opening getting closer, but then I suddenly start to get heavy. I feel as if weights are pulling me down and back. The feelings of excitement is replaced by fear, i'm feeling as if i'm being trapped, drowning, being pulled down by quicksand. I sense a dark presence behind me, i'm anxious, scared and worried, I don't want to turn around to see what is holding me back. Slowly, I turn and... and I see a shadow, I don't know who it is, or what it is, but the shadow starts to suck the air from my lungs. I kick, and scream but no sound comes out. I start to fall, I free fall into an abyss, I hit the endless void where I then wake up in my bed, sweat drenched, heavy breathing and grabbing tight my bed sheets."

Adele was surprised at how vivid and powerful Obi-Wan's description of his dream was.

Obi-Wan ended his description, he was exhausted, sweat visibly falling down his palms and neck. His bright deep blue-green eyes seemed to have dimmed and become watery. He was clearly trying to hold back tears, failing to maintain the serene image of the peaceful Jedi.

Adele: "...Powerful images you describe."

Obi-Wan draw in a deep breath to pull back the tears. "Yes, yes they are."

Adele: "Have you talked about your dreams with Master Jinn?"

Obi-Wan: "He is usually by the side of bed when I wake up from them, trying to ease my worries with gentle waves of the Force... But i've not described them to him."

Adele: "You do not trust him?"

Obi-Wan: "I trust Master Jinn the most, he is like a father to me. I love him deeply."

Adele: "From what I understand, the bond between a Master and a Padawan is very close."

Obi-Wan: "Very close."

Adele: "Yet you do not feel comfortable talking to Master Jinn about your dreams?"

Obi-Wan: "I'm, i'm afraid about what he may think."

Adele: "What may he think?"

Obi-Wan: "My dreams are dark as you now know, I don't want to concern him that i'm being exposed to the dark side, or that i'm falling to the dark side."

Adele: "Do you feel that you are falling to the dark side?"

Obi-Wan: "I've had my moments of anger, even hate, but over the years i've learned to release them. As all Jedi are taught. I'm not afraid that i'm falling to the dark side, I don't feel anger or hate in my dreams."

Adele: "You feel fear?"

Obi-Wan: "I feel anxious, fear I guess is another way to describe it."

Adele: "Does fear not lead to anger then to hate?"

Obi-Wan found Adele's paraphrase of Yoda slightly amusing. "I did not know you are versed in our ways Ms. Brouse."

Adele smiled back, "I have been doing my research about the Jedi before this session, I would like to be able to understand you as much as I can."

Obi-Wan: "I thank you for the thought you put into preparing for my session... Fear does lead to the dark side. But I know the feelings i'm having wont lead me to the dark side."

Adele: "How do you know this?"

Obi-Wan: "Fear to loose is generally what starts the path to the dark side. My feelings are... isolated... to myself. I'm not afraid of loosing anyone or anything."

Adele: "What are you afraid of?"

Obi-Wan: "...I, I'm afraid... I'm afraid, that i'm becoming something I don't want to be."

Adele: "What do you want to be?"

Obi-Wan: "I, I don't know."

Adele: "Is it that you don't know, or are you too afraid to admit it to yourself."

"...You, you are a good therapist Ms. Brouse." Obi-Wan said while he forced out a small smile.

Adele: "Can I make a observation Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan: "...yes."

Adele: "You said before that you did not like the routine of Temple life, and that you have often been on missions since you where 13. Do you recall?"

Obi-Wan: "yes."

Adele: "Sometimes we try to keep ourselves busy to avoid the times of quiet contemplation. I can see that you push yourself hard, from your file, I can see you've been on more missions than most Master / Apprentice teams, quite often at your insistence and not of your Master's or the Council. You've used the imagery of being pulled down, being held back, falling, sinking into quicksand. You've expressed the feelings of anxiety, nervousness, and worry. Can I ask... Are you the person in the shadow?"

Obi-Wan: "Am I the person in the shadow?"

Adele: "Are you avoiding yourself, trying to hide something that you already know."

Obi-Wan felt exposed. The chips started to fall into place, was he the shadow? He had an idea of what he was missing or becoming, but why did he not want to acknowledge it?

"Why would I do that... why would I do that..." Obi-Wan spoke quietly to himself. Trying to work out what all this meant. "What do I know?"

Time seemed to stand still as the words echoed in Obi-Wan's mind. His thought was broken by Adele's smooth voice.

Adele: "...Obi-Wan... Obi-Wan..."

Obi-Wan returned back to reality, and became aware again of his place.

Adele: "Unfortunately, our time is up. We can continue our session same time next week. I think this will be a great place to start."

Obi-Wan: "...O... I see, an hour gone already..."

Adele: "Time does fly quickly."

Adele got up and offered a hand to help a shaken Obi-Wan stand up.

Obi-Wan: "I know I came in wanting to get out as quickly as possible, but I feel strange leaving things... unresolved."

Adele: "We will have lots of time to talk, therapy unfortunately does not take a session, it will take time, patience young Padawan."

Adele's comment made Obi-Wan smile.

Adele: "In the mean time, if you feel your in danger or a really dark place, please feel free to call me anytime day or night."

Adele handed Obi-Wan a piece of paper.

Adele: "This is a prescription for a month worth of ambien to help you sleep. However, I still want to see you next week."

Obi-Wan: "I promise I will see you next week... Thank you Adele."

Obi-Wan walked out the room, shaken, anxious, yet hopeful in what was unravelling. He could he see Master waiting for him outside the office. He in took a deep breath, composed himself and walked out to his Master trying not to worry him about his emotional state.

"Master" Obi-Wan called out.

"Obi-Wan, how was your first session?" Qui-Gon answered in a concerned and worried tone of voice.

"It was ok." Replied Kenobi.

"That's good to hear young Padawan." said Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon placed his strong hands on Obi-Wan's heavy shoulders and pressed them firmly. "I'm proud of you Obi-Wan, I know this must not have been easy for you, but I hope that these sessions will be able to help you through your feelings, and I hope that in time, you will be able to share your feelings with me."

Obi-Wan shed a tear on these kind words. "I'm sorry that I have not been able to be open with you Master, and that I have not been completely forthcoming with my fears... it's just that i'm not ready to admit them to myself yet to you..."

Qui-Gon: "Don't worry young one, when ever you are ready, we can talk then. No one is pressuring you to do something your not ready for, Master Yoda, Healer Che, the Council and I are all very understanding of your issues."

Qui-Gon knew that taking Obi-Wan off assignments without any idea of when he might resume his duties must feel like hell. It was a good way to break Obi-Wan's hesitation to talk with someone about his feelings, however, now that he could see that Obi-Wan was open to continued treatment, he felt it would be good to give him some good news. "Now that you have had your first session, so long as you continue with regular sessions, I do not see why you would not be able to resume your duties. We'll take it slow, ease you back in with some easy assignments of course. That is, if you feel that you are ready?"

Obi-Wan: "I think easing back with some easy assignments might be a good idea, I think I need to spend less time off-world and more time on the ground, to reflect."

Qui-Gon: "Great to hear! For the time being, I want you to take it easy at home. I remember that it's your 25th birthday coming up soon so make sure you enjoy yourself."

"Your not going to give me 25 rocks are you?" Obi-Wan replied in a cheeky response referring to Qui-Gon's gift of a river stone on his 13th birthday.

Qui-Gon laughed. "We'll have to see."

"So what assignment is coming up?" enquired Obi-Wan.

"There are some tensions between the Naboo and the Trade Federation, we might need to go to help facilitate a treaty in a few weeks. Pretty boring commerce stuff, should be quick and uneventful." Qui-Gon answered.

"_I have a bad feeling about this."_ Obi-Wan thought.


End file.
